Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Inspiration---Really Long--

Where do we find inspiration??

I find inspiration several places. My faith... I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

Friends. I have always been overly friendly, but never had any TRUE friends. The ones who would drop anything for you... until the last 10 yrs or so. More recently so in the last 4 or 5. I was the one who would drop everything for a friend. That is my strength and my achilles heel.

My family. My mom has MS and she doesn't give up. She admits when she can't do something, which for her is DAMN HARD!!! This isn't the same woman who raised me... and that's a good thing.

My husband. He has supported me in EVERYTHING I have ever done. Massage school, adoption, when I didn't even want to have kids because I was so broken hearted over so many failures. He told me that we could do whatever I wanted, he just didn't want me to have any regrets.

My daughter. This is the best. During the winter, I set my bike up on the trainer in the living room and leave it there. I don't take it off and put it back on and ride the road and then the trainer. Once it's on the trainer, it's on until it's time to head back outside. She has seen me on that trainer for the last 2 winters. Her first winter, I doubt she really remembers. But now, everytime I get on the bike to spin she is right there with her beautiful smiling little face screaming over the mag trainer and rear wheel of the bike... "GO MOMMY GO!!!" My first triathlon as I am heading out on the run on a brutal day for me, I hear this tiny little voice say. "Go Mommy." I so wanted to quit getting off the bike. An asthma attack in the pool, a brutal bike leg where I threw my chain, my head was shot, I was so not in the race mentally and I hear her... on Mother's Day weekend. I couldn't quit no matter how badly I felt. I did not see her at the finish, she was still on the train engine.. she didn't want to get down, hubby had to drag her off.

Lately, I have received e-mails from friends and messages from people who say I am an inspiration and I have a hard time seeing it. I really do. Please bear with me. I have to get this out. I have never been the one out front, looked up to and looked at for leadership, guidance or inspiration. I was always the wallflower, shy, clumsy and eager to please. I wanted to be liked. I never sacrificed my morals or integrity for that but I sacrificed my dignity. I always hated that. Now, as an adult and a mother, I find myself wanting to be stronger, not just for me, but for my daughter as well. I want her to be confident, but not cocky.

I do triathlon for me. I want to be happy, healthy and comfortable with who I am and what I look like. I want my child to have a role model of an active life and that it is okay to be a woman and be physically fit and strong. So, am I an inspiration, I hope so, mainly for my child. But... if my life is an inspiration for you to get up and moving later in life, then so be it. Use me as your inspiration. I love who I am, personally, emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically.

Find your inspiration and cling to it. It may be the only thing to get you through that grueling stretch in an event, where all you want is to bag it and say screw it, it's just not my day.

I have a new saying for me. I have it taped to my aero-bars on my bike. Pain today is a finish in May. I am currently re-building my base from the training layoff I've had. It's hard to get back in the swing, but it is so worth it. Have a great day, find your inspiration and get out there and move. Get up. Go. Take a walk, enjoy what you have while you have it. It is SOOO worth it.


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